I like clyff.







but i like John too. 

-------

I feel so confuse, idk what to do. I wanted John so badly, and asking me to giveup on him now, and go for clyff. I can do that, but............ idk what's the problem with me too. I'm falling deeper for clyff. and yet, my feelings for John is fading. I'm in a dilemma. ): But John seem to have feeling for me, what am i suppose to do............................................ :/ I don't have to make a choice, cause i have a choice alr. And the choice is, GO FOR CLYFF. 

should i say i'm slowly getting over you, or i'm getting used to the pain?

Day 33-

Yesterday i talked to you, i'm glad that you replied. (: I wonder how long do we have to stay like that. I wanna spend more time with you, but...... yeah, we hang out separately now. sad isn't it. imissyou.

Fml, what did i do to deserve all these fucking shit from you? You like her then go ahead, stop giving me fake hopes bastard. fuckoff.


- day 31

I know I've made a lot of stupid mistakes, but the worst one was thinking the person who hurt me the most wouldn't hurt me again.

Day 29 - 

What happened yesterday , i was really very happy . We had so many eye-contacts . And now i know , as long as i don't flirt , you won't . Best solution . (Y) ! :D . But what happened today .. I'm really sorry . But it wasn't really my fault right ? You flirt with her too , and you think that i didn't saw it or smth right ? But i happened to walk past , and yeah i saw you there . Fucking disappointed . 

I don't know what exactly you want from me,

Day 27 -

I don't know what exactly you want from me, i feel so confuse. Idk what to do anymore. If you're angry then tell me. Stop acting like you don't give a fuck and then suddenly stare at me. How would i know what you're thinking? I really wanna talk to you. See, everyday in school what can we do? Stare. Sometimes we don't even look at each other. You were with them today, and yeah. You looked, then? Turn away, and act like you didn't see anything. I'm really hurt. Please.. don't misunderstand.

I still remember the first day i met you ,

Day 24 - 
Idk how or what to feel anymore, i feel so helpless. I didn't know that i would endup like this. I'm scared, i'm terrified. Things didn't have to endup like this. I'm afraid that it's never my turn to be happy. I wonder, how did you even have the courage to do that to me. how did you managed to hurt me. how did you even got me loving you more after hurting me.

I hate falling for you ,

Day 23 - 
I'm feeling damn fucking miserable now. I'm sick and tired of all these nonsense. I cried over the same damn thing. You have no idea how hurting isit to listen to what people say about you. Sometimes i just want to stop, i don't wanna continue anymore. How many times did i cry? If you don't like me at all, hurt me all the way. I DON'T NEED YOU TO FUCKING PITY ME.

The hardest part of this is, seeing you leave.

Every night i miss you ,
My feelings woke me up in the middle of the night
I don't know why i am still waiting
I hate it when you act like i didn't exist at all,
like what we had never happened before
Why can't you love me like how you used to in the past?
I wish i could be the person you want me to be
But i really can't, i'm really sorry

------------------------------

These few days you haven't been attending school . I'm really afraid that you left singapore without telling any of us . I'm really sorry for showing attitude at you , i'm sorry for not saying hi to you everytime , i'm sorry for not taking the intiative , i'm sorry for everything . I miss those times we hang out together , i miss those times when we texted , i miss those times we quarrelled , i miss those times you often disiao me infront of the group , i miss going to school together , i miss those times we were often get into trouble together , i miss going out with you , i miss walking together with you , i miss catching crabs with you , i miss how sweet you were always to me , i miss those eye-contacts , i miss those times , i miss everything , imissyou . You may not be the hottest guy , you may not be the smartest guy , you may not be the sweetest guy , you may not be the cutest guy , you may not be kindest guy , you may not be the guy with the a good attitude . But to me , you're perfect . Really .

It hurts alot .

 

Day 19 - 

I kept wondering , why am i still blogging here . I'm really very pissed , and sad . Yeah , i admit . I hate today i swear . You choose to sit behind her , have you ever considered how i'll feel ? No . I hate when you flirt with her , i hate it when you always purposely look at me after you flirt with her . What are you trying to do ? I mean like seriously . You purposely looked at me after talking to her . You know , i was alr trying not to look over . I don't wanna look over . I kept looking at another direction . But i'm sorry , in the end i looked . At that moment i felt like breaking down . I swear , i didn't know what to do . I kept quiet , i walked away . I wondered if you ever know how i feel . I guess no . 


------
Ever since i liked you , i break down very easily . I used to be a strong girl . I don't cry easily for guys . But what about today ? What about other days ?  Do you even notice about me ? Idk how to stay strong anymore , you have no idea how much i like you . In the past , if the guy i likes flirt , i'll do the same back to him . But for you , really i've got to say . I've got no courage to , i feel too hurt . I waited for you to come , and this is what i get in the end . 



 * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 
( sczx _ )
I know i'm not supposed to post this , but WHY THE FUCK DID YOU EVEN LIKE HER STATUS . TRYING TO JIO HER ISIT . GO AHEAD LA , FUCK OFF FROM MY LIFE K . 


( niger  _ )
Yeah flirt with her lo , i'm not gonna care anymore . fuckedup la .  

I pray every night for you not to leave,

Day 17 -

So yeah , time is flying pass really very fast . I dread thinking what will happen when after you leave . Everynight i pray that you wouldn't leave . November , don't come so fast . Please , I wanna spend time with him . I wanna create happy memories with him . I keep saying that i'll get over you . But till now , my heart still yearn for you . I keep thinking what'll happen between us if you didn't need to leave for australia , will we last long ? will i lose my first kiss to you ? am i gonna be very happy ? Many happy thoughts keep running through my mind . But thinking that you're gonna leave , happy thoughts start to vanish . Really , i'm afraid that i'll need to cry myself to sleep everynight . 5646 <3

You know he's something special when no matter what kind of mood you're in, he can always manage to make you smile.

Day 15 - 

Trust me , everytime i see you . My heart beats faster , my mind run wild , i start to go crazy . When i went to school today , I saw you standing haha . It's normal isn't it ? JOHN IS FOREVER STANDING . :b hehehehe , after morning assembly . You were standing infront with Elton . Yeah , i stared at you . And you were also staring . :$ You've got no idea how happy i was . During recess , you came down . And they shouted ' Eh John . ' Know what ? I didn't wanted to turn back .I was too shy to . hahahahah , you came over . You stared at me , OMG LA PLEASE . JOHN YOU VEH HOT OKAY . You were the sweetest guy i ever met , the best guy alrights . <3

I'll leave if that's what you want.

Day 13 - 

So many thoughts running in my mind , this time idk whether to hold on or let go . 

I hate being your nothing, when you're my everything.

Day 9 -

I hate waiting . Waiting for my favourite tv show , waiting for the time to pass , waiting for text , waiting for everything . And what i hate most now is , waiting for you to leave . Counting down to the day when you're leaving really hurts . I tried hard not to think about it , but the more i try not to think about it , the more i'll think about it . I hate this alot . I hate my loved ones leaving me . I've got to act happy infront of everybody , but deep down i'm dying . I'm breaking down . Heartbreaks is the worse thing that can ever happen to me . Everything i gone through , makes me a person now . Each time i suffer a heartbreak , i become strong . But this time , I broke down . 

It's so frustrating to explain. I wish you could just know exactly how I feel about you.

Day 7 -

It's been a week since i updated this blog , many things are happening now . We don't seem to hang out as often as ever . I miss those times when we hang out together . I'm sorry for not saying hi to you everytime . I feel bad too . It's august alr , probably 3 more months you're leaving . I wanna send you off , but i'm afraid that i can't control my emotions . I'm afraid that i'll cry . I won't wanna let you see when i cry . These few months , i wanna create happy memories with you . That's all i can do . Whether as a friend or merely a schoolmate . (:

----
I wanna share happy memories with you , those times we wouldn't forget . You know , i'm trying not to fall deeper . Everytime i tried not to look into your eyes . I tried not to look at you when you're staring . I failed to , each time i catch myself staring at you . You'll be staring back , but sometimes you'll be heartless enough not to even glance at me . When we have eye contacts , i know we once liked each other . Perhaps to you , the feeling stopped . You may think that i like another person , but no . I still do like you . When you leave , i hope to go back to those places we once went together .